(Unless they let me moderate the conversations - that's where the really juicy stuff happens.) We call it ‘Scammer Grammar’: that weird, ‘hang on, what the hell is this word doing here?
’ syntax that tells you that your correspondent is typing in a language that is not his mother tongue. If you genuinely think that Jo, the perky Nebraskan who fancied a holiday in Sub-Saharan Africa only to immediately have her (his) money and passport stolen, picked you out as the recipient of her (his) distress call because you are better looking and more engaging than the long line of other mid-thirties guys who haven’t seen the inside of a gym since 2004, then you have another thing coming.
Pro tip: asking questions on your profile gives her an interesting way to start the conversation. A corollary of the futile faceless approach is an attempt to look like a borderline certifiable artist by posting shots of yourself taken at weird angles and run through so many filters you might be looking at a bee. Just do what everyone else does and have a friend with Photoshop skills make you look way better than you do in real life.
Pro tip: avoid selfies – they make you look vain and girls often say they don’t want a boyfriend who spends more time in front of the mirror than they do.
And that thing is probably a massive credit card bill.
If your correspondent writes like a nine-year old who has drunk a litre of Red Bull, save yourself many hours of emailing and send a £50 postal order to a randomly selected internet café in Lagos. Pro tip: if you’re suspicious, try Google Image Search.
Once considered a realm inhabited only by the socially awkward, online dating is now just another tool in the toolbox, no matter whether you’re looking for a hook-up or your soulmate.....